If you can't do the work yourself, I'm with the other people who you've spoken to... sell it and forget it.
Two years isn't terrible unless it has a blown headgasket or the oil was in some other way contaminated.
As for starting up a car that's sat for a while, here's how I would handle it... if not willing to tear it apart.
Drain all the fluids and pull the spark plugs and remove the EFI fuse from the engine bay glove box; Do not replace the spark plugs until we're ready to start the car! Spray a good penetrating oil into the cylinders trying to make sure to get a bit on the walls. Use a hose to flush the coolant system out as well as possible. Fill the coolant system with water (you may add a detergent). Fill the engine with a good light weight oil (0W-20 or so) and using a breaker bar rotate the crank several revolutions. Now reconnect the battery, but leave the EFI fuse out. Crank the engine until the oil pressure gauge starts registering some pressure... now replace the spark plugs, reassemble the intake and replace the fuse... start her up and let the engine idle for a little bit (with the heater turned ON) while watching closely for leaks. Turn the car off and let it cool.... for a few hours. Now drain the water in the coolant system (if you used detergent flush it out as per the instructions included), change the oil and filter. Fill the coolant and oil with the recommended fluids and go for a SHORT drive around the block. Stop and check for leaks... now drive in a very paranoid manner for the next 6 months or however long it takes to get confident that it's not going to explode.
Use a GOOD oil and an even better filter! They are very expensive for an oil filter but running an Amsoil EaO filter for the first couple changes would be a very good idea.... they're phenomenal filters from everything I've read. Thereafter, I'd run either a Purolator PureOne or Napa Gold or Mobile1 or K&N (in that order) from then on.
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