Thanks for the responses guys, but yes I have tried to start in neutral, and yes it is an automatic...
I did try swapping out another relay that was right next to the starting circuit one since they were the same kind... that didnt help either. Guess I should update my list on my original post
I also had a guy I know at the local toyota dealership print that wiring diagram out for me and still didn't help...
I'm going to get a mechanic I know to come help me look it over more in depth... I'm just not comfortable with messing with wiring and things I cant just put right back. And it still just bugs me that when i turn the key that ECT box clicked... I mean, if it was the starter clicking I know how to fix that, but yeah.
Thanks