Yeah im sorry my phone auto filled that.... yeah i cleared it and still occurs. O boy this is gonna be tough to fix

Relays are easy to test and grounds are easy to clean. ;)

also i dont know if this is normal or will help identify whats wrong but the check engine light will not turn on unless i put it in a gear higher than one, so if i cruise 1st gear it wont turn on until i switch til second

But no new codes are stored? Then start with the usual suspects... Battery cables, alternator (unlikely), relays and grounds.

The only other thing to try is put the diagnostic jumper in and (with a passenger to count any flashes) go for a short drive.... Should only see a code 51. There are some codes which only appear while the fault is actually happening.